Relationship advice needed
Posted: Fri Apr 04, 2025 7:54 am
Hello Orient board,
So a few years ago, I was in a relationship that really wasn’t working out. Don’t get me wrong, he was a nice guy, but it had run its course. I was initially attracted to the glamour (he was moderator of a message board) but his lack of ambition meant that he let that slip away. It was sad to see him bereft at the state it got into after he stepped down.
Anyway, I f*cked him off and spent a month in Australia, “catching up” with some exes, and I was all set to stay.
However, I do still care about the silly b*stard and I heard he was having a rough time so I flew in to check on him.
It turned out that he’s had a complete mental breakdown. He said that he’d worked out how to do a relationship properly, but all he did was keep saying “trust the process”, “I’ve been hurt before” and “im not here to make friends”. I said I’m not feeling the spark anymore and we’re on different journeys but to no avail - he just said that it’s all a rollercoaster and he doesn’t want to get off it.
Anyway, I mentioned breaking up and he insisted that love isn’t a feeling, but rather an action, and then took the greyhounds for a walk and came back as if nothing ever happened.
Since then for three years he has done nothing but talk like this, and he seems to think that my panicked smile indicates agreement.
Clearly I couldn’t leave him like this.
However, in recent months I think that his mindset has improved enough that I can leave - for a start, he’s managing small little achievements like he came to me a week ago telling me that he’d listened to an entire Feeder album, by choice. If he has that level of mental resilience I don’t think me breaking up with him will be too bad.
How should I tell him?
So a few years ago, I was in a relationship that really wasn’t working out. Don’t get me wrong, he was a nice guy, but it had run its course. I was initially attracted to the glamour (he was moderator of a message board) but his lack of ambition meant that he let that slip away. It was sad to see him bereft at the state it got into after he stepped down.
Anyway, I f*cked him off and spent a month in Australia, “catching up” with some exes, and I was all set to stay.
However, I do still care about the silly b*stard and I heard he was having a rough time so I flew in to check on him.
It turned out that he’s had a complete mental breakdown. He said that he’d worked out how to do a relationship properly, but all he did was keep saying “trust the process”, “I’ve been hurt before” and “im not here to make friends”. I said I’m not feeling the spark anymore and we’re on different journeys but to no avail - he just said that it’s all a rollercoaster and he doesn’t want to get off it.
Anyway, I mentioned breaking up and he insisted that love isn’t a feeling, but rather an action, and then took the greyhounds for a walk and came back as if nothing ever happened.
Since then for three years he has done nothing but talk like this, and he seems to think that my panicked smile indicates agreement.
Clearly I couldn’t leave him like this.
However, in recent months I think that his mindset has improved enough that I can leave - for a start, he’s managing small little achievements like he came to me a week ago telling me that he’d listened to an entire Feeder album, by choice. If he has that level of mental resilience I don’t think me breaking up with him will be too bad.
How should I tell him?