Independent Leyton Orient Forum

This is an open and honest letter written by a current premier league footballer. It’s quite clear that he doesn’t beleive that football is ready for him to reveal himself to the world. He certainly doesn’t beleive that he can trust any or all of the different facets which make up the game by his coming out. For me the disturbing part is he may have to retire early just so he can find peace in his life and for his own mental well being. Mental health is such a massive thing it can’t be underestimated the damage it can do to people and here is a man with seemingly everything yet the one thing he wants he can’t have, that must make his head spin like you can’t beleive.

I have cut and pasted his open letter to all. In 2020 it’s a shame he feels the need to write it, but maybe he’s right football just isn’t ready.

As a kid, all I ever wanted to be was a footballer.

I wasn’t interested in doing well at school.

Instead of doing homework, every spare minute I had was spent with a ball.

In the end it paid off.

But even now I still have to pinch myself when I run out and get to play each week in front of tens of thousands of people.

However there is something that sets me apart from most of the other players in the Premier League.

I am gay.

Even writing that down in this letter is a big step for me.

But only my family members and a select group of friends are aware of my sexuality. I don’t feel ready to share it with my team or my manager.

That’s hard. I spend most of my life with these guys and when we step out on the pitch we are a team.

But still, something inside me makes it impossible for me to be open with them about how I feel.

I dearly hope one day soon I will be able to.

I’ve known since I was about 19 that I was gay. How does it feel having to live like this?

Day-to-day, it can be an absolute nightmare.

And it is affecting my mental health more and more.

I feel trapped and my fear is that disclosing the truth about what I am will only make things worse.

So, although my heart often tells me I need to do it my head always says the same thing: “Why risk it all?”

I am lucky enough to earn a very good wage. I have a nice car, a wardrobe full of designer clothes and can afford to buy anything I want for my family and friends.

But one thing I am missing is companionship.

I am at an age where I would love to be in a relationship.

But because of the job I do the level of trust in having a long-term partner has to be extremely high.

So, at the moment, I avoid relationships at all.

I dearly hope I will soon meet someone who I think I will be able to trust enough.

The truth is I just don’t think football is ready yet for a player to come out.

The game would need to make radical changes in order for me to feel able to make that step. The Professional Footballers Association say they are ready to help a player to come out.

And they have said they will offer counselling and support to anyone who needs it.

This is missing the point. If I need a counsellor I can go and book a session with one whenever I want. What those running the game need to do is educate fans, players, managers, agents, club owners — basically everyone involved in the game.

If I was to make that step I’d want to know that I would be supported at each step of my journey. Right now, I don’t feel I would be.

I wish I didn’t have to live my life in such a way.

But the reality is there is still a huge amount of prejudice in football.

There are countless times I’ve heard homophobic chants and comments from supporters directed at no one in particular.

Strangely it doesn’t really bother me during the matches. I am too focused on playing.

It’s when I get back on the plane or the coach and I have time to think that it gets to me.

As things stand my plan is to carry on playing for as long as I feel able to and then come out when I have retired.

It was great last month to see Thomas Beattie raise his hand and admit to being gay. But the fact he had to wait until retirement tells you all you need to know.

Footballers are still too scared to make the step while they are playing.For the past year I have been getting support from the Justin Fashanu Foundation, not least to cope with the toll this is all having on my mental health.

It is hard to put into words how much the Foundation has helped. It has made me feel supported and understood as well as giving me the confidence to be more open and honest with myself especially.

Without that support I really don’t know where I’d be now.

I know it might get to the point where I find it impossible to keep living a lie.

If I do my plan is to retire early and come out. I might be throwing away years of a lucrative career. But you can’t put a price on your peace of mind.

And I don’t want to live like this forever.

Who is it?

HeyO wrote: ↑Sat Jul 11, 2020 6:33 amWho is it?

We don't know

Smendrick Feaselberg wrote: ↑Sat Jul 11, 2020 7:58 am

HeyO wrote: ↑Sat Jul 11, 2020 6:33 amWho is it?

We don't know

He needs support.

Unfortunately there are a sizeable number of people who still think it's ok to racially abuse black players. A sizeable number have issues with players wearing rainbow laces. Football is nowhere near ready to have openly gay players and that's sad in 2020.

That is correct.

Rubbish. Do you think if Ronaldo as an example came out as gay anyone would care (or be surprised). He is the gayest straight man I have ever seen in my life. The problem this person has is with himself.

Some fans would use it as a stick to beat him with. I don't see that changing, regardless of how much 'education' is forced upon us.

Not falling into that trap. . Perhaps, but the point is you don’t get a bigger bunch of effeminate men in one place than in a premier league dressing room now anyway. I doubt some of them coming out as gay would surprise anyone. They would never get any stick inside a ground anyone. Murder is serious but nothing would compare to calling a gay player a name

This is such an emotive subject. I am openly bisexual and know all too well how difficult it can be to live with a secret and feel trapped inside a lie.

Footballers of any stature would have a ridiculously hard time by some supporters and the press, and maybe even his fellow teammates / staff at his club.

However many times people with no experience of such an issue suggest it’s all in the persons head, take a look at homophobic prejudice in the form of written or verbal abuse as well as bullying or physical harm in some cases, which is very prevalent and certainly not only imagined. I suspect many would be ok with someone coming out and thereafter more gay footballers would feel empowered to do likewise, yet there are many who would not and for a young person to be in such a negative spotlight could be extremely damaging.

Sad to say but homophobia is very real and the mental health issues this brings about can be enormous.

It is irrelevant who this is. The issue is how can this person and any other gay footballers overcome their fear of being hated, abused and shunned, possibly their careers ruined and even have their lives changed forever.

Homophobia is not an issue that sits inside football alone. The wider opinions and behaviours of many will affect how a footballer or anyone else in any other workplace feels comfortable to reveal their real self.

Do you really believe they would get a hard time from supporters, really? Sure, there are some bigots and he may get some stick on social media but inside a ground and generally day to day in 2020. It would be all rainbow laces and clapping and anyone who didn’t toe the line would be sent to the gulag. The would see serious prison time.

Beradogs wrote: ↑Sat Jul 11, 2020 9:09 am Rubbish. Do you think if Ronaldo as an example came out as gay anyone would care (or be surprised). He is the gayest straight man I have ever seen in my life. The problem this person has is with himself.

There you have the problem

Beradogs wrote: ↑Sat Jul 11, 2020 9:47 am Do you really believe they would get a hard time from supporters, really? Sure, there are some bigots and he may get some stick on social media but inside a ground and generally day to day in 2020. It would be all rainbow laces and clapping and anyone who didn’t toe the line would be sent to the gulag. The would see serious prison time.

Change all of that to black people and racism then read when you wrote

Beradogs wrote: ↑Sat Jul 11, 2020 9:09 am Rubbish. Do you think if Ronaldo as an example came out as gay anyone would care (or be surprised). He is the gayest straight man I have ever seen in my life. The problem this person has is with himself.

No, the problem this person has is with people like you.

Beradogs wrote: ↑Sat Jul 11, 2020 9:33 am Not falling into that trap. . Perhaps, but the point is you don’t get a bigger bunch of effeminate men in one place than in a premier league dressing room now anyway. I doubt some of them coming out as gay would surprise anyone.

Yep, people like you.

Beradogs wrote: ↑Sat Jul 11, 2020 9:47 am Do you really believe they would get a hard time from supporters, really? Sure, there are some bigots and he may get some stick on social media but inside a ground and generally day to day in 2020. It would be all rainbow laces and clapping and anyone who didn’t toe the line would be sent to the gulag. The would see serious prison time.

Have you actually ever been to a football game with a crowd?

How many people have been convicted of chanting racist slogans inside premier league football grounds in the last 5 years? Its less than a handful. Times have changed. The problem with people like you, it’s never enough. Everyone is a racist, homophobe etc. You must write for the BBC or the Guardian. I prefer to look at peoples good nature and 99.9% of football fans would not have any issue. If they did and they were stupid enough to say something they would get a disproportionate amount of prison time anyway. A player coming out as gay in 2020 would be treated like a celebration. Whether some people, perhaps me eh? Who knows. Likes it or not.

Beradogs wrote: ↑Sat Jul 11, 2020 9:58 am How many people have been convicted of chanting racist slogans inside premier league football grounds in the last 5 years? Its less than a handful. Times have changed. The problem with people like you, it’s never enough. Everyone is a racist, homophobe etc. You must write for the BBC or the Guardian. I prefer to look at peoples good nature and 99.9% of football fans would not have any issue. If they did and they were stupid enough to say something they would get a disproportionate amount of prison time anyway. A player coming out as gay in 2020 would be treated like a celebration. Whether some people, perhaps me eh? Who knows. Likes it or not.

You’re an idiot

Human kind has an inherent pack/tribal instinct that goes back to our earliest ancestors, anyone different from their tribe was fought off, with survivors enslaved. So many humans have a ''Pack instinct'' with stronger and weaker members in the grouping, safety in numbers etc. So many people hide their own insecurities by going along with the ''rest of the gang'' and picking on others who are somehow different, be it more studious, quieter, different looking, different skin colour, sexuality etc.

Beradogs wrote: ↑Sat Jul 11, 2020 9:33 am Not falling into that trap. . Perhaps, but the point is you don’t get a bigger bunch of effeminate men in one place than in a premier league dressing room now anyway. I doubt some of them coming out as gay would surprise anyone. They would never get any stick inside a ground anyone. Murder is serious but nothing would compare to calling a gay player a name

Your disgusting attitude is precisely why people wouldn't feel comfortable coming out. Go have a long hard think about yourself.

Insightful. Anyway, not spending my day arguing with the bleeding heart lefties on here. We can review this thread when a premier league player comes out as gay. To summarise, I think the crowd will clap and cheer and the fella will be made welcome across the football spectrum. You think, they will chant homophobic slogans. We can see who is right.

Beradogs wrote: ↑Sat Jul 11, 2020 9:47 am Do you really believe they would get a hard time from supporters, really? Sure, there are some bigots and he may get some stick on social media but inside a ground and generally day to day in 2020. It would be all rainbow laces and clapping and anyone who didn’t toe the line would be sent to the gulag. The would see serious prison time.

Fella, I don’t normally have a problem with your posts, but yours on this subject are beyond the pale.

Pack it in, as you are showing you are the most sterotypical homophobe imaginable.

As I said... an emotive subject.

Indeed I do believe many people would be absolutely fine and there would be no issue. However...many would absolutely not be fine. it is not just what happens inside a ground that compels gay footballers to fear being open and honest about their sexuality. It is the media, some colleagues and society in general that makes gay people’s lives very difficult.

Example: when opposing fans play Brighton, the homophobic chants are real and however “lighthearted” or just “banter” to some these are deeply hurtful to others.

Recent statistics suggest that 40% of people in the LGBT community have experienced verbal harassment or physical violence. This is very real and the sooner people realise how much of a problem this really is the sooner it may change for the better. As for it “being enough”. Things are not enough until prejudice doesn’t exist. Simple...

Just the mere fact that this person is afraid of exposure tells us a lot. The mental health side of all this is enormous and should be taken very seriously.

Beardogs doesn’t seem to realise we live in a country where it’s perfectly acceptable to have a prime minister that refers to homosexual men as ‘tank-topped bum boys’. (I believe they are the exact words he used). Beradogs is an idiot.

I have set a few land mines and occasionally I will tread on one myself so if you think I am being homophobic then I will get a ban. Some people for religious or other reasons do not like homosexuality but it’s a tiny minority. I am not one of them. Most people in this country are fair minded and I have had enough of certain sections in the MSM painting us as otherwise. Free speech does not a homophobe make.