Independent Leyton Orient Forum

Rich Tea Wellin wrote: ↑Fri Oct 27, 2023 11:05 pm

CEB wrote: ↑Fri Oct 27, 2023 3:19 pm Thought I’d look back on this thread.
Bit of a weird one really - I did what was intended as a short break from alcohol back in the end of June, but just stuck with it and have now been off the booze for nearly four months.
Am getting most of the known benefits of stopping drinking, but interestingly (or not) it’s clear to me that I definitely had/have a tendency to self medicate with alcohol. Not to get pissed, but just that having a glass of wine or a beer would always just numb out distractions or aid with having a sense of proportion - usually if I’m on a rant, it’s stone cold sober, I’m naturally a lot more laid back just with that one beer that can take the edge off a mood or a sense of anxiety. Weird.
Anyway, the replacement is what I’m getting my head round - I think I still have the same predisposition to be argumentative, but while before I could sort of “switch” into a slightly less spiky version after I’d opened a bottle of wine, now I think I (mostly) can now notice when I’m getting into ADHD behaviour - whether it’s procrastinating or getting into a time sink - and usually make an executive decision to do something different.

Interested in whether any of the others who were looking into it got any further?

Stray observation - but a lot of behaviour in ADHDers is geared towards dopamine hits. Do you think there’s a buzz you get out of the arguments, or the nice red notifications that someone has quoted you? I think I do, to an extent. My brain is bored so a quick to and fro on here gives me a little kick - all subconsciously of course, I don’t come here thinking about that.

And perhaps alcohol fulfils the same thing. That little buzz a drink gives? Used to be putting a bet on for me but no longer.

More substantial answer - yes, but more complex. I don’t get a buzz out of arguing (I actually sort of hate it, believe it or not) but when I have a bee in my bonnet - and even when I don’t, to be honest - I am way more concerned with being right, than being liked. Not because I believe I’m inherently right, but because being “right” is what I am fixated on trying to get to.
Take the trans thread. I stand by every word I’ve posted on it about the subject (will concede that my tone at times isn’t winning friends, but see above) but the frustration I have about it is in how poorly understood the topic is by people who assume that their compassion means they’re right. I don’t mind disagreeing with people (obviously) but the fact that those who disagree can’t actually say “look, I understand what you’re saying, here’s how you’re wrong” means that there’s a kind of itch there, something that doesn’t sit right that can, occasionally be a fixation.

Arguments - whether about a big issue or a small thing - are kind of a side effect of trying to resolve something discordant, or jarring. In a way, that’s why I tend to either go into minute detail or turn up the heat - it’s like trying to get to the real substance of a thing to get it resolved.
(It’s also why, genuinely, if I’m proven wrong about something or substantively shown that there’s a valid argument against something, I tend to assimilate it and move on, it doesn’t register as “oh sh*t I was wrong” in that way

CEB wrote: ↑Sun Mar 19, 2023 11:11 am Further to this thread - and where self awareness is relevant - thinking about behaviours associated with ADHD like a hyper fixation and immense frustration at not being understood (see - any argument I have on here, where (sometimes) good points can get lost in repetition or sheer volume of points (with further points made in parenthesis etc)
I’m aware enough of it to try to keep a lid on it, though not good enough at it to not do it at all (plus, I am naturally a bit spiky/sardonic/bit of a c**t depending on your POV.

It does mean though, that it’s quite easy to spot such behaviours in others (always easy to solve other people’s issues) and honestly, in relation to the ongoing thing with Rev/OFF, and PJ pointing out that it’s all a bit tiresome; honestly Rev - that issue is settled. Anyone with a brain reached the same conclusion about it you did, and most people also think that it was handled badly by others afterwards. Your fixation on it is now the main event, not OFF’s behaviour, so you are better off sticking to just letting it go for now. Nobody has forgotten it. You’re coming from a good place on it, but it’s not good use of energy. (In the same way that when I get into my second/third page of the day countering someone’s post on the gender debate, it’s now ‘uh OH, CEB’s off on his bugbear’ rather than “this is very interesting, I’ll have to read what he said”)

Presented without comment

CEB wrote: ↑Mon Jan 01, 2024 9:36 pm

CEB wrote: ↑Sun Mar 19, 2023 11:11 am Further to this thread - and where self awareness is relevant - thinking about behaviours associated with ADHD like a hyper fixation and immense frustration at not being understood (see - any argument I have on here, where (sometimes) good points can get lost in repetition or sheer volume of points (with further points made in parenthesis etc)
I’m aware enough of it to try to keep a lid on it, though not good enough at it to not do it at all (plus, I am naturally a bit spiky/sardonic/bit of a c**t depending on your POV.

It does mean though, that it’s quite easy to spot such behaviours in others (always easy to solve other people’s issues) and honestly, in relation to the ongoing thing with Rev/OFF, and PJ pointing out that it’s all a bit tiresome; honestly Rev - that issue is settled. Anyone with a brain reached the same conclusion about it you did, and most people also think that it was handled badly by others afterwards. Your fixation on it is now the main event, not OFF’s behaviour, so you are better off sticking to just letting it go for now. Nobody has forgotten it. You’re coming from a good place on it, but it’s not good use of energy. (In the same way that when I get into my second/third page of the day countering someone’s post on the gender debate, it’s now ‘uh OH, CEB’s off on his bugbear’ rather than “this is very interesting, I’ll have to read what he said”)

Presented without comment

CEB: I have no interest in continuing this feud because it’s beneath me

Also CEB: continues feud on various threads