Moving house advice

[Long slender neck]

So what order do I do things in?

Tart up house
Do I need to have formal chat with bank about how much they'll lend me?
Find estate agent
Find house
Find solicitor?
Find surveyor?

[Max B Gold]

All of the above. Definitely get a full survey and if they flag up rising damp, ordinary damp, dodgy roof, structural stuff, electrical faults, gas leaks subsidence, dry rot, wet rot, termites, wood worm, rat infestation, mice issues, jobby back up in the soorage system etc you can get a specialist to investigate further.

Best bet is to buy a mobile home and if you don't like the area you can easily move it. HTH.

[Beradogs]

So what order do I do things in?

Tart up house
Do I need to have formal chat with bank about how much they'll lend me?
Find estate agent
Find house
Find solicitor?
Find surveyor?

Find Nemo

[Constanza]

I thought its best to contact Phil and Kirstie. Do you want to Love It or List It?

[Dunners]

Also: Spy on your potential new neighbours. This should include parking up outside and observing their pattern of behaviour both late at night and early in the morning.

[Long slender neck]

On surveys; if I was to buy again I’d f*** off surveyors who, in my experience, do the minimum amount of looking and the maximum amount of legal get out clauses, that you learn nothing. Especially if you’re buying an old house like I did. Instead I’d get in (if the seller allows it), experts in things like damp, structural, gas, electric, plumbing, etc… who will actually be able to spot big issues and give you an idea on how much it would cost to resolve

Good point. To be fair to surveyors, what they can report on is often limited to what degree the existing vendor will permit them to look at. But I'd also recommend getting a reliable tradesman to accompany you on a second or third viewing. And definitely be aware of damp.

So when a buyer sends a surveyor round, dont let them look at anything?

[Long slender neck]

I wonder what it could be that you don’t like about the area…

Alright chuckles. Actually, you make a good point, except the people I don’t really like where I am now are stinking rich, and white.

Ooo look at me moving to a nice area

White areas are nice are they? The veil slips.

[Dunners]

On surveys; if I was to buy again I’d f*** off surveyors who, in my experience, do the minimum amount of looking and the maximum amount of legal get out clauses, that you learn nothing. Especially if you’re buying an old house like I did. Instead I’d get in (if the seller allows it), experts in things like damp, structural, gas, electric, plumbing, etc… who will actually be able to spot big issues and give you an idea on how much it would cost to resolve

Good point. To be fair to surveyors, what they can report on is often limited to what degree the existing vendor will permit them to look at. But I'd also recommend getting a reliable tradesman to accompany you on a second or third viewing. And definitely be aware of damp.

So when a buyer sends a surveyor round, dont let them look at anything?

Either that or offer to bribe them.

[CEB]

Caca, how much do you want for it?

[Dunners]

Don’t do what I have just done, moved and then realised you hate the place. Go to see it at least twice and perhaps spend a weekend in the area. All things that I didn’t do.

I wonder what it could be that you don’t like about the area…

The only place he'd be happy moving to is the 1950s.

I dunno. I recently got back from Jersey. I reckon he'd quite like it there too.

[LPE]

Keep your existing mortgage if you can. If you do ever have to move it or increase it watch out for the thinly veiled threats of losing the property if you don’t use the estate agents in house broker (which is of course illegal, but it happens with alarming regularity).

[Long slender neck]

Surveyor is coming to check out my house/torpedo the sale, how do I approach this? Poison? Charm?

[BoniO]

Surveyor is coming to check out my house/torpedo the sale, how do I approach this? Poison? Charm?

I'd forget charm if I were you.

[Currywurst and Chips]

Tell him your most controversial opinion up front then ban him from your gaff when he calls you a c***

[Monkey Boy]

Surveyor is coming to check out my house/torpedo the sale, how do I approach this? Poison? Charm?

Obviously don’t point anything out, keep an eye on them and be noncommittal. Doesn’t hurt to be helpful as and when. If that doesn’t work shoot them(I was joking)

[Admin]

Surveyor is coming to check out my house/torpedo the sale, how do I approach this? Poison? Charm?

As I'm a chartered surveyor my advice is a plain old fashioned bung. Oh and if you have a driveway, let us park on it as we hate having to walk anywhere more than 10 yards.

[Dunners]

Agree. Bribery always works.

Also, flatter him by pretending to be interested in some surveyory topic. I.e. ask him for his opinion on the preference for steel frame high rise buildings in city centres and whether there are adequate capital provisions to meet life cycle costs and decommissioning at end of design life.

Listening to him drone on for the next hour should be enough to get him to overlook the creeping damp and emerging structural cracks.

[BoniO]

Admire their damp meter. Cast an admiring glance at their laser tape measure. Ask them what's the worst wood infestation they've ever seen - this should fill up most of their visit time.

If he's looking too closely, feed the dog salt water so it throws up all over the place (also covers the smell of damp)

Leave a big jobby in all the loos in the house - they won't spend long in those rooms.

[Long slender neck]

How do i give them the bribe?

Talking crap i can do.

I might also try a sob story.

[Admin]

Agree. Bribery always works.

Also, flatter him by pretending to be interested in some surveyory topic. I.e. ask him for his opinion on the preference for steel frame high rise buildings in city centres and whether there are adequate capital provisions to meet life cycle costs and decommissioning at end of design life.

Listening to him drone on for the next hour should be enough to get him to overlook the creeping damp and emerging structural cracks.

Nope. I’m out. He did that to me I’m definitely down-valuing his gaff.

[Admin]

How do i give them the bribe?

Talking crap i can do.

I might also try a sob story.

Cash. Brown envelope if you’re old school.

[Long slender neck]

There's some new builds up the road, I'll carefully dangle some bait regarding those and if he bites it should make him favour my crumbling old abode.

[Long slender neck]

Backup topics

Grenfell
9/11- can jet fuel melt steel?
Homes under the hammer

[Hoover Attack]

Ask if you can take their card as you need a full structural survey for your purchase and wink at them.

[E10EU]

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