My mate....

[DrWindy]

My mate was telling me the local bakery is really struggling. Apparently it’s in dire straits and to drum up extra business it’s giving away free fries with every order.

I gave them money for muffin and got my chips for free.

[The Mindsweep]

My mate drove down a country lane and ran over a cockerel. He knocked at a nearby farmhouse door and a woman answers.
'I appear to have killed your cockerel,' He said. 'I'd like to replace it.'
The woman replies: 'Please yourself - the hens are round the back.'

[BIGRON]

My mate is a Millwall supporter...enough said

[DrWindy]

My mate lost his ear in an accident. He’s recently had a pig’s ear transplanted and he says it is working really well except for a little bit of crackling.

[BoniO]

My mate was the inventor of the throat lozenge - there was no coffin at his funeral.

[BoniO]

My mate wanted to lose weight and went to the doctor. The doctor said “don’t eat anything fatty”

My mate said “like bacon or burgers?”

The doc said “No fatty, don’t eat anything”

[Orient Punxx]

My mate asked me, “what's the best part about living in Switzerland?” I said “I don't know, but the flag is a big plus.”