Nonce O'Clock

[Dunners]

This is my idea for a new telly show.

Every Saturday evening, this show will reveal a celebrity or public figure who's been up to some shenanigans. Throughout the week, the tension rises as the public all try and guess who this week's nonce, rapist or whatever will be.

They can even place bets and submit their guesses to the show, with the studio audience being put into a prize draw for a touch of added glamour. I'm sure some prize suggestions will be forthcoming.

Throughout the show, the identity of the nonce is gradually revealed in segments in between an array of musical and comedy performances from various light entertainers. Which acts as a warning to those entertainers to watch their devious ways or else they could find themselves in the headline slot.

And then the moment for the big reveal arrives. I'm thinking something akin to the Masked Singer - The Masked Noncer, if you will - where a panel of celebrity judges all try and guess who it is.

The nonce then starts to take off the mask, while the studio audience all chant "Take it off!" And hey presto, the identity of this week's nonce is revealed.

There then needs to follow some booing etc, but said nonce receives a Blankety Blank Therapy Credit Note to treat their addiction. And after completing of their therapy they can go on some reality show to rehabilitate their public image.

I seriously think this would be a massive hit, and cannot believe nobody has thought of it until now.

[Dunners]

^I forgot to add, the show would air at nine o'clock on Saturday, as nine is similar to nonce.

[Tuffers#2]

Booing wouldn't suffice. Throwing the Book needs to be included, Masked or Unmasked.

[Daily Express bot]

This is my idea for a new telly show.

Every Saturday evening, this show will reveal a celebrity or public figure who's been up to some shenanigans. Throughout the week, the tension rises as the public all try and guess who this week's nonce, rapist or whatever will be.

They can even place bets and submit their guesses to the show, with the studio audience being put into a prize draw for a touch of added glamour. I'm sure some prize suggestions will be forthcoming.

Throughout the show, the identity of the nonce is gradually revealed in segments in between an array of musical and comedy performances from various light entertainers. Which acts as a warning to those entertainers to watch their devious ways or else they could find themselves in the headline slot.

And then the moment for the big reveal arrives. I'm thinking something akin to the Masked Singer - The Masked Noncer, if you will - where a panel of celebrity judges all try and guess who it is.

The nonce then starts to take off the mask, while the studio audience all chant "Take it off!" And hey presto, the identity of this week's nonce is revealed.

There then needs to follow some booing etc, but said nonce receives a Blankety Blank Therapy Credit Note to treat their addiction. And after completing of their therapy they can go on some reality show to rehabilitate their public image.

I seriously think this would be a massive hit, and cannot believe nobody has thought of it until now.

It will certainly have longevity.

[Dunners]

For the Christmas special there could be a twist. The Masked Noncer isn't a nonce at all, but a decoy. Then, in a shock revelation (with der der DERRR shock music) the spotlight pivots to one of the celebrity judges who thought they had got away with it. The audience can then gasp, before booing and the throwing of objects ensues.

[The Mindsweep]

How about a Crinkley Corner segment, where they wheel out an old nonce who has done there time in jail. Clues will be given, culminating before the reveal with host and audience as one shouting "Do you know who he is yet"

[Dunners]

How about a Crinkley Corner segment, where they wheel out an old nonce who has done there time in jail. Clues will be given, culminating before the reveal with host and audience as one shouting "Do you know who he is yet"

Good suggestion. Although, depending on how said nonce chooses to identify at the time of broadcast, 'he' may be 'she'. It's important for the success of the show that we remain inclusive.

[Tuffers#2]

For the Christmas special there could be a twist. The Masked Noncer isn't a nonce at all, but a decoy. Then, in a shock revelation (with der der DERRR shock music) the spotlight pivots to one of the celebrity judges who thought they had got away with it. The audience can then gasp, before booing and the throwing of objects ensues.

Jims Jury in Savilles Snug perhaps for the Judges.

[Rich Tea Wellin]

Quite like the idea of a through the paed hole look around their house and specifically their bedroom to look for weird sh*t they are into and the panel take guesses

[Beradogs]

At the end the nonces could be tied down on a conveyor belt and the contestants have to guess as many names in 45 seconds. The contestants wear blindfolds. No touching allowed except in the last 10 seconds called the erection section where you can seek more clues. The ones they guess right stay on the conveyor belt and drop off the end into the incinerator. There is of course one cuddly nonce every week, this is someone everyone including the BBC know is a wrong un but they have protection from the establishment. Guess a cuddly nonce and you win the star prize. Your very own slot presenting on CBeebies.

[faldO]

How about an "egg on their face" segment, where celebrities, journalists, and the like who have previously expressed admiration and support for the star of the show, but have subsequently done a u-turn, deleted instagrams, written about how they got it wrong, etc, are required to have an egg smashed on their head and let the yolk run down onto their face (not sure about the last bit).

[Dunners]

How about an "egg on their face" segment, where celebrities, journalists, and the like who have previously expressed admiration and support for the star of the show, but have subsequently done a u-turn, deleted instagrams, written about how they got it wrong, etc, are required to have an egg smashed on their head and let the yolk run down onto their face (not sure about the last bit).

Ooh, I like this. Especially for the Christmas special, where the fellow judges have to suddenly pretend they were not being all luvvie-dovie with the freshly outed judge just moments before.

[Monkey Boy]

Actually thought this was funny. How about “A Question of Nonce” whereby you could have a resident team captain one from the sporting section say an ex football coach ( not mentioning any names) and a member of the Royal establishment ( not mentioning any name) I wonder how guess the picture would turn out like?

[Proposition Joe]

Quite like the idea of a through the paed hole look around their house and specifically their bedroom to look for weird sh*t they are into and the panel take guesses

"Who used to live in a house like this/who lives in a cell like this? David, it's over to you".

[Daily Express bot]

At the end the nonces could be tied down on a conveyor belt and the contestants have to guess as many names in 45 seconds. The contestants wear blindfolds. No touching allowed except in the last 10 seconds called the erection section where you can seek more clues. The ones they guess right stay on the conveyor belt and drop off the end into the incinerator. There is of course one cuddly nonce every week, this is someone everyone including the BBC know is a wrong un but they have protection from the establishment. Guess a cuddly nonce and you win the star prize. Your very own slot presenting on CBeebies.

You have a weird imagination

[Adz]

Gotta be on the beeb as they've mastered facilitating nonces

[Proposition Joe]

8 out of 10 Nonces, the quickfire comedy quiz based purely on answers generated from surveys of paedos.

[Orient_Man_And_Boy]

And a variant (not a deviant) on Deal Or No Deal

Noel TidyBeard has locked boxes containing the name of this week’s reveal and Mystery celebrities, fearing their names, phone in to offer cash to keep the boxes locked tight. A reserve price having been set by the previous week’s (total) loser.

Each week could be themed (footballers, broadcasters, politicians…)

All proceeds to charity of course.

[Tuffers#2]

It's a Royal Nonce Out, Get a commentator with an exaturated guffaw to host a national or International game contest. Maybe Herb Alpert could compose the music. Dunners Idea has endless possibilities.

[OyinbO]

https://youtu.be/XCywGhHQMEw?si=9YBbkb1ngkOvlOXl

[Rich Tea Wellin]

Would I pry on you

Panel show where celebs tell a story about grooming or sexual assault and the other guests have to guess if it’s a true story or a lie

[HARVEY T DENTON]

"This weeks episode of Nonce O' Clock is brought to you by HARIBO Tangfastics :- it does have a ring to it.

[Omygawd]

Bring back the pre 6.00pm children’s slot on BBC1 I say. Nonceanory could complement Dunners’ suggestion by featuring one of the convicted telling stories from their cell sitting on an old rusty metal chair frame with no cushions. Their task would be to allude, via the medium of barely disguised oratory fiction, to Nonce O’Clock’s next big announcement later that evening. It would bring younger people into the guessing game at a younger age and bring about much needed advertising revenue increases to those intensely moral platforms such as Meta and X through increased social media activity. It also offers opportunities for thinly disguised memes of the next wrongun to be announced to be shown on a slightly obscured and pixilated display behind the presenter.

[LittleMate]

What about letting a nonce off the un-masking - if they grass up another nonce of equal or greater "value".

[Proposition Joe]

What about letting a nonce off the un-masking - if they grass up another nonce of equal or greater "value".

I like the idea of the twist but not sure a Nonce Amnesty/plea deal whereby if they snitch on a fellow celeb, then they're free to carry on noncing (a potential film title, right there) is really something we should advocate.