KMT’s State Of The Squad - Midfielders

[Kitch’s Magic Toes]

Ah, the engine room. The beating heart. The tone-setters. The soul. The position which dictates the very personality of an entire team... what’s that? Oh, we’re a bunch of soft-shelled crabs? B*ll*cks.

Retained: Craig Clay, Hector Kyprianou, Jobi McAnuff, Brendon Shabani, Josh Wright
In: Ouss Cissé (Free)
Out: Dale Gorman (Released)

First Choice
Ouss Cissé
Pros: Monster of a man; almost always retains possession; expertly shields the centre of defence.
Cons: Not quick enough to make recovery runs on the rare occasion that he does get caught out; never going to be a Pirlo-esque regista; French.

Josh Wright
Pros: Silky passer of the football over all ranges; useful knack of arriving in the box at the right time; knows which TOWIE cast members can get hold of the best charlie.
Cons: Usually uses his aforementioned silky passing skills to move the ball three yards sideways; hides from the ball when things are going badly; avid fan of bottling 50-50 tackles.

Craig Clay
Pros: All-action Duracell bunny style of play; very good at winning the ball back; looked like an actual real life Football League player once we brought in someone else who could tackle.
Cons: If we’re being brutally honest, he hasn’t really ‘got it’ in his feet at pro level; often only has to win the ball back because he’s the one that’s given it away; enjoys shooting tamely wide of the target from the edge of the area.


In reserve
Jobi McAnuff
Pros: Still the best player at the club at 39; elevates the play of everyone around him; good at literally everything.
Cons: Still the best player at the club at 39 (someone else should really step the f*** up); coming back from a long-term injury; such a dreamboat that he might demand a free transfer to Armani.

Hector Kyprianou
Pros: Positionally sound; only a kid, but sizeable enough to deal with the physical aspects of the game.
Cons: Pretty ponderous and unexciting style of play; probably not as good as the H. Kyprianou at Sarfend.

Brendon Shabani
Pros: Already a part of the Albanian international set-up.
Cons: Injured for virtually all of last season, so yet to see him play; may have relatives that work for the Beelzebub Energy Group.

In a pinch
James Brophy, James Dayton

Top 7 Bound?
Perhaps. We look decidedly uninspiring in the middle of the park, but having distinctly uncreative CMs didn’t stop Swindon from winning the league last time out. Big Ouss really helped turn our fortunes around in the New Year and if he stays fit and in form, we’ll have a good chance of keeping some clean sheets next year, despite how rickety our defence looks on paper. I’d much rather have Jobi McAnuff lining up in Josh Wright’s place, but I expect we’ll mostly be seeing Brigadier Brylcreem fannying about instead.

FFS Ling?
With Dale Gorman’s release (correct decision - he is gash) we look a bit light on numbers for a team that plays with three in the middle of the park. Unless Brendon Shabani has an unlikely breakthrough campaign, I’d be more comfortable if someone else was brought in to bolster the ranks.

[DuvB]

Josh Wright - avid fan of bottling 50-50 tackles
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Didn't you see that tackle v. Spurs? Mind you, he was only a youngster but he was limping a lot after Wright took him on.

[Rich Tea Wellin]

It's our most improved area simply because we replaced Gorman with Cisse.

My ideal middle 3 would be Cisse holding, Jobi next to him but pinging balls about and Wright further forward picking up rebounds and giving us an extra body int he box.

Still think we lack creativity a bit and i'm not so sure that Jobi will stay fit/end the season as a player.

It's a mid-table midfield, which is about where we will probably end up.

[BiggsyMalone]

Absolutely perfect review of Wright. Tom Cleverley esq in his ability to run around a lot and still be behind the opposition so he doesn’t have to receive a pass when under any kind of pressure. Stat padder with little ability.

[Kitch’s Magic Toes]

Still think we lack creativity a bit

Absolutely we do, cameos from Jobi aside. Which is why you’d think certain fans would recognise the need for an attacking full back...

[Rich Tea Wellin]

Still think we lack creativity a bit

Absolutely we do, cameos from Jobi aside. Which is why you’d think certain fans would recognise the need for an attacking full back...